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Written by Another Jared Observation
Oh hi, I’m PROF. OAK.
You must be a new POKéMON
trainer! Did you know?
With enough experience points,
your JAREDJAMES can evolve
into JEFFGOLDBLUM?
It’s true! You should go around
the world and battle with your
JAREDJAMES. Maybe you
could even beat the ELITE
FOUR!
The Five Stages Of A Jared Conversation
DENIAL:
I never have that problem
ANGER:
WTF are you talking about?
BARGAINING:
I will pay you to go down to Kai’s house and hit him for me
DEPRESSION:
ok lalalala lets all just stand here and die and not fight back
ACCEPTANCE:
k.
Geoff: A Historical Perspective Through Pictures (Part 1 of 2)
In celebration of the Birth of the Godly Geoff-Being, we at the Geoff Historical Society have prepared the first of two modest pictorial displays of Geoff throughout the ages.0
Since long before the rise of man, Geoff has shaped our world, eliminating the Dinosaurs so that we could rise and conquer the planet, in his image:
A living God, Geoff was often the subject of great works of art:
Never one to shy away from fame, Geoff was a mainstay on American Television during much of the turbulent 1980s.
Future generations will surely benefit from the wisdom and leadership of Geoff:
Warren Knows What Ska Is! Edition The First: Covers!
Since I missed The NY Toasters, I figured I would appease the angry Miles by posting some ska or ska-like music for him to listen to and enjoy. I don’t know if any of this qualifies as ska (at least 3/4 are by a group with ska in the name) but hey, I tried:
This is a ska/rock cover of the Anpanman theme song (Anpanman is an incredibly popular cartoon character who fights the ghost of Robert Atkins for children’s dietary souls- not really but that is a lot more interesting than the actual story).
Anpanman Theme (Ska-Rock Cover)
This is a Ska cover of the Sesame Street theme song, by Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra. You will like it because it’s very enjoyable! This giant robot will save all of earth yes! ROBOT GO NOW! Uuuwhaaaa!!! He is too powerful always!
Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra – Sesame Street
Same band, the Lupin III theme song! Ignore the fact that the audio clips come from the 1980s video game and really terrible 1986 OVA!
Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra – Lupin the Third Theme
Same band, that Tetris music that everybody remembers because it was Soviet brainwashing! Fun fact: Dr. Mario illegally aborted thousands of tetraminoes before he finally found his calling as an immunologist.
Private Post.. Posted… Privately!
Yeah, the post title sucks. FUCKIN DROP IT K?! Anyway check my post out.
JewPop.com – Fucking Real. Fucking French. Fucking Weird.
A site by Jews, for Jews, about Jews. The fact that they have an ‘agenda’ page is the kind of thing that really puts gas in Gingrich’s tank.
(Link purposefully left untargeted to annoy Jared)
HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TO THE GRC!
Just 3 short years ago, our little site started contributing to the overall pollution and indecency of the web. 3 short years later, our little site has less traffic, fewer posts, and what can only be described as “a farty smell”. Congrats, everyone.
We made it.
Homework Survival Music
So lately I’ve been listening to a couple of tracks that make doing homework less of a chore. These are just fun, high-energy tracks that keep me awake while drudging through acres of unbelievable garbage.
READ ON!
READ MORE »
Another Insane BBC Thing
This is pretty tame until Voltron shows up near the end.
Missing Sean…
I came across this on a daily deals website, and immediately wished I had given it to him before he left for Guatemala
Hopefully we hear from him soon!
Also, sidenote- not sure why they picked a Freaks and Geeks-era James Franco impersonator to demo the thing…
Read All About Ron “Grand Wizard” Paul’s Racist Newsletters!
As crazy as it sounds, Ron Paul’s newsletter writers may not have been sincerely racist at all. They actually thought appearing to be racist was a good political strategy in the 1990s. After that strategy yielded almost nothing — it was abandoned by Paul’s admirers.
Put the cat down just now
Hard thing to watch. my mom had the cat on her lap the whole time. got pissed on and everything. I could never have done that.
PIONEER ONE
So Angela found this on one of those artsy video sites and found herself really engaged by it. I of course laughed at her absurdly high tolerance for internet crap, but then I realized I had been watching the thing for four hours and was totally enjoying it.
There are a number of problems with the ‘show’, mostly because it’s a low-budget project:
There are a lot of plot holes, specifically about how such an event would be handled
The acting is hammy sometimes
There are very few sets or props
The dialog can be a little overblown at times
If you close your eyes it sounds like game dialog being played in sequence
It has some audio issues (redubbing was done on a tape player or something)
But the story is top-notch and the way it all comes together is amazing. I am totally psyched about the ‘season finale’ coming out soon.
Anyway, here’s a quick summary of the pilot’s plot (edited from a wiki entry which does a good job of not spoiling too much):
A mysterious spaceship enters Earth’s atmosphere, triggering a massive response from the American government. Since the ship has spread radiation over hundreds of miles of rural Montana, officials are quick to bring up the possibility of a terrorist attack, specifically the detonation of a dirty bomb. Federal agents working for the American Department of Homeland Security become involved, receiving permission from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to operate in Canada.
Debris is found near Edmonton, Canada, where an investigation of the crash discovers a live human being in a Soviet-era space suit. The man is in an unstable condition and his initial blood work shows signs of severe cancer, with his doctors proclaiming him too badly injured to transport.
A note handwritten in Russian found in the debris says that the man is the child of cosmonauts living at a base on Mars. Not believing the note and wanting to announce a Department of Homeland Security success to the press, the American DHS orders Agent Taylor to bring the man back to the United States as a suspected terrorist, despite his severe condition. Believing the note could be true, Taylor brings in Dr. Walzer, an expert who has written several books about the possibility of human survival on Mars, to discuss the incident…
All the currently-released episodes are actually free to download (no, really, legal and everything!) which I have linked below:
Hey Alan, you don’t need that U.N. license now!
Moving from Oregon to South Korea will soon be a bit less of a headache.
An agreement to be signed Friday would eliminate the need for a driving test for licensed Oregon drivers looking for similar privileges in the Asian country. South Koreans living in Oregon would have the same opportunity.
The foreign reciprocity agreement is a first for Oregon, but Washington and other states already have agreements in place. Driver and Motor Vehicle division administrator Tom McClellan says in a statement that the agreement is a symbol of strengthened business, education and tourism relationships between Oregon and South Korea.
via Oregonlive
I had a cold, wet, expensive, near-fatal day!
Here’s what happened: today was my orientation day at PSU. That part went really well! I am all signed up and ready to start in Jaunary!
The part that didn’t go so well was everything else…
*I woke up late after fighting a migraine the night before and didn’t have time to go into work before orientation.
Rating: Oh well, I only missed out on a few bucks…
*I had to park 12 blocks away cause parking at campus is a nightmare.
Rating: Not so bad, it was a nice day despite the weather.
*I lost my jacket when we switched rooms during orientation, and after an hour of contacting everyone who it might have been turned in to, realized that it was probably stolen.
Rating: Shit! That jacket wasn’t cheap!
*I had to walk 12 blocks in the pouring rain and howling wind without a jacket.
Rating: FUCK! I’M COLD AND WET!
*My garage parking ticket was in my jacket, so I had to pay the full $56 lost ticket fee to exit the garage.
Rating: DOUBLE FUCK!
*I almost got smashed into -6- times on the way home, one of which was a near head-on collision with a truck at 80mph (combined) that I just barely dodged and with so little room to spare that when I pulled over I checked my car for scratches. There were two other near head-ons (like the first, from people not following road striping because they were following leaf piles) and three near rear-ends from assholes braking suddenly and skidding on the roads/being assholes.
Rating: OCTUPLE FUCK!
Does this surprise anyone who knows how things work for me?
I Know We Aren’t Supposed to use ‘Gay’ as a label, but….
Can we agree this is pretty gay?
OH SHIT! Saturday’s SNL Was Funny!!!
So last week SNL was hosted by Charlie Day (Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) and was actually pretty good, though they failed to make much use of Charlie’s comic timing or writing ability.
Here are my two favorite sketches:
Sean needs to dress up as Colonel Nasty for halloween, or just for the trip to Guatemala.