GIANT ROBOT CLUB!

For all of the electronic gaming I have done, I have played some disappointing games. Here’s my list of the top 15:

15) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (PS2)
14) Megaman X6
13) Odin Sphere
12) Final Fantasy VIII
11) Heavenly Sword
10) Eye of Judgment
9) Tekken 6
8] Final Fantasy XII
7) Clock Tower 3
6) Haunting Ground
5) Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom
4) Fade to Black
3) Mortal Kombat 3
2) Siren
1) King of Fighters: Maximum Impact

Reasons to follow…

15) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (PS2): Remember how awesome the ninja turtles arcade games were? Well this was the first game based off the new cartoon show. What could’ve been a great brawler was crippled by a camera that hated the idea of two players, and some incredibly annoying voice acting.

14) Megaman X6: This was kind of the last hurrah for the days of the original Playstation. I paid full price for this one, and it lacked a lot of the polish that made X3 and X4 so good. The localization was rushed. Giving X Zero’s sword didn’t really enhance anything, and the Nightmare system was just that– a nightmare!

13) Odin Sphere: Reviewers went gaga over this game because it was 2D. While I will admit the artwork is gorgeous, there are two many flaws to overlook. The slowdown when the action gets heavy makes the game almost unplayable. Add to this the fact that that all of the enemies, bosses, and stages were repeated almost 6 times, and you’ll see why this was a disappointment.

12) Final Fantasy VIII: Let’s keep beating this dead horse. It’s hard to imagine a more disappointing follow-up to FFVII.

11) Heavenly Sword: Honestly, this game did a lot of things right. The story was great, the graphics were amazing, and it had Andy Serkis! The sixaxis controls were tacked on, and worked better when turned off. But the real disappointment is that this game was only 4-5 hours long. I saw everything it had to offer, and eventually sold it off. But I am still hopeful for Enslaved: Odyssey to the West.

10) Eye of Judgment: The actual underlying card game is fantastic, and will have you thinking up strategies during your waking moments. But you could never find the additional decks and booster packs unless you went on Amazon or Ebay. Setting up and taking down the camera got to be a bit of a pain. And why did you have to pay $15 just for the privilege to use the expansion sets?

9) Tekken 6: I can’t really put my finger on why this one is so disappointing. Tekken 5/Dark Resurrection were high points for the series, and 6 expanded on the roster, resolution, and polygon count. Had it released back in 2007, it would have been a great game. But when it hit shelves in 2009, it was one of the worst looking fighters on the market.

Final Fantasy XII: I remember delay after delay waiting for this game. I won’t argue that FFXII is a technical marvel, and it pushes the PS2 to its limits. But I hated the gambit system. It was basically 20 hours in that I realized the computer was having all the fun (the battling) while I did all of the work (walking from place to place, equipping, and purchasing/selling items). The story seemed genuinely engaging, but there were entire 3 hour dungeons that stood between you and the next plot advancement. After skipping out on FFXI, I had hoped that FFXII would be a return to the glory days of the series. It wasn’t.

7) Clock Tower 3: I actually remember enjoying this game back in the day. The first two clock tower games were pretty inovative survival horror games that used the point-and-click interface. They delivered some genuine moments of terror, and really made you feel helpless against your tormentor, Scissorman. The third game dropped the point and click (a positive) but armed you to the teeth with invisibility rings, sigil stones, and holy water. At the end of each stage to do battle with the boss, you would turn into a bow-wielding superhero who looked like she belonged in a Sailor Moon episode. They took all of the tension and killed it by giving you way too many ways to fight back. They also made the serial killers come after you every minute, eliminating the surprise of when they might attack next. And don’t get me started on what they did to Scissorman!

6) Haunting Ground: In many ways, Haunting Ground could be considered Clock Tower 4. It was made by the people who did Clock Tower 3. It made for a much more gloomy game. In many ways, Haunting Ground was a great game. So how did they screw it up? They gave you a dog companion. That’s right you had a dog to help you solve puzzles and perform attacks. While this may sound cool, you had to train the dog to obey your commands. Often times he didn’t. And the whole act of training your dog bogged the game down into a Tamagotchi-style mini game. I put Haunting Ground lower on the list, because it had so much going for it, but they screwed it up with the dog gimmick.

5) Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom: For the most part, the Phantasy Star series matched Final Fantasy blow for blow back in the early days. PS1 is easily better than FF1. Ps2 and FF2 are very much on equal footing. And while PS4 is no where near the masterpiece of FF3 (6), it is still easily the best RPG on the Genesis. Phantasy Star 3 is the black sheep of the series. It had the unique mechanic of having you play through three generations of heroes. Who you married at the end of each chapter dictated who would be in your party during the next chapter. It all sounded good in theory. But they downgraded the graphics, put in terrible music, and stripped the story away to the bones. This game embodied all the worst parts of early RPGs. It was all grinding. It was pure tedium. But it wasn’t all for not. The cyborg Wren, arguably PS3s best character made an upgraded appearance in the stellar Phantasy Star 4.

4) Fade to Black: This is the sequel to the amazing game Flashback. I thought Conrad Hart was one of the coolest 2D heroes ever. The way he would tumble and draw his gun looked amazing back in the day. But his 3D outing was just awful. It was one of those early 3D games with bad models, and worse controls. And it’s a shame it killed off what could have otherwise been a great franchise.

3) Mortal Kombat 3: Mortal Kombat 2 was one of the best sequels ever made. Mortal Kombat 3? Not so much… They cut out way too many of the iconic characters. No Scorpion? WTF? But what really did it for me was the “Run” button and the dial-a-combo system. Suddenly it became way too apparent who the good players were and who the bad players were. It was a game that rewarded memorizing long complicated strings, and punished anything else. Killer Instinct had similar issues, but Mortal Kombat 3 stands out as being more disapointing.

2) Siren: A survival horror game with at least 10 playable characters? The ability to see through the eyes of a zombie? This all sounded so amazing! It wasn’t. This was one of the hardest and least enjoyable stealth games ever. My basic reveiw goes something like this: “All I can do is run, hide, suck, and die. And I’m not too good at those first two.” This game went from purchase to re-sale in about 3 days. The third game looks and plays a lot better, but it’s a download only game, and Miles loves having a disc.

1) King of Fighters: Maximum Impact: No other game has left me so disappointed. I know I should always be wary when a classic 2D fighter makes the jump to 3D, but I couldn’t help myself. King of Fighters? In 3D? This I had to see. The game I played was a boring eyesore. The roster was incredibly reduced dropping out favorites like Chang, Choi, Blue Mary, King, and others. The new characters introduced were some of the worst the series had seen. This game played and controlled like absolute shit (surprising how good KOFXII plays)! I bought this for $8 and felt ripped off. I sold it off days later because I didn’t even want the disc anywhere near my apartment.