GIANT ROBOT CLUB!

Some ‘scientist’ from ‘Bristol’ thinks that available space, not survival fitness, is the most driving part of evolution.

I think we should go kick this guy’s ass! Who’s with me?

(Title is a riff from the ‘Grass’ short film)

Rifftrax LIVE Was Awesome! Reefer Madness is one of my all-time favorite movies the cast tore to shit, but the real treat were the three all-new shorts they worked on:

Short 1. 1930′s film on not using gasoline as a household cleaner. Was this ever so large a problem as to merit the production of a 10-minute public service film? Yes! My favorite part was the montage of explosions unrelated to gasoline describing how dangerous gasoline is when used as a household cleaner. Dynamite however is 100% safe apparently.

Short 2. 1960′s school film on what to do with dried grass. Ten minutes of watching kids braid grass into hats and other amazing uses for the stuff. So fucking insanely stupid you can’t believe it existed. Great job on the riffs here.

Short 3. Old 1930′s B&W bosco-style cartoon of two hobo dog/cat things at the north pole. Apparently it was father/son things, but at one point the old one steals the young one’s wallet when he thinks he’s dead so god only knows what the actual plot here was.

And of course, the eternally terrible Reefer Madness was ripe for the riffing. This was the carefully remastered and colorized version, which is weird to see if you have only seen the original in black and white, or haven’t ever seen the 1940′s in color. I really enjoyed hearing almost all new jokes for the live showing vs. the track they laid down on the DVD release a few years back. I never remember the riffs on the first run so I can’t really lay them out here, and most of them need to be in context.

It was a little overpriced to be honest but very fun to experience this kind of insanity in a theater full of similarly-minded geeks. There was a heated Warren Ellis discussion in the line waiting to get in.

ALSO-

Mike Nelson also announced the next Rifftrax Live event would be October 28th, doing the original House on Haunted Hill (starring Vincent Price!).

Any interest?

Actually this is a bit of non-porn footage from what is widely held to be the WORST PORN EVER, winning out against kaiju hentai, german scat films, and a number of others. But man, this is about as awesome as bad shit can get by our standards! A must-see, because this is now the only way I can I imagine batman now. Jump to about 1:30 for the magic to happen.

Now that you’ve seen that, I imagine we all agree this is how the new batman movie should be presented.

Source w/ additional retrospective on batman themed pornos.

Dunno if you guys have heard or seen this before, but this is definitely targeted at us.

Also:

Dune scene made entirely out of legos!!!

Live-action GANTZ.

http://www.gantz-movie.com/

Also spoof of Wes Anderson movies:

Comic Book Movies that could of been better

Fantastic Four – I think I first saw this with most of you guys down in Eugene at the 1.25 theater. I think the census was: awful. I’ve been meaning to rewatch it and finally I have! I think it’s biggest flaw, is the fact that it’s a fantastic four movie. That means there are four characters (5 including the villain) who get their powers at the same time, and then each have to do the usual “I just got super powers! wtf is going on!?”. Having four characters leads to that ‘new super hero stage’ being extremely tiny for each of the characters. Sure, many times they were developing their powers together, and there was a montage which was rather humorous, but most individual character development was so small it was almost nonexistent. And if there was any development it went one way. I guess the character with the most development was Ben, who got over the fact that he looked like a total freak. Unfortunately the best character had the least development and that was Jonny, the human torch. Honestly, Jonny probably acted how most people would, and that would be to show off, which usually was pretty funny. The movie was rated PG, but somehow Doom blasting a hole in one of his former Corporate Execs’ chest was acceptable for the younger audience. I liked that scene but was a bit surprised.

I would of had Doom’s powers increase at a faster rate, and have put his evil persona in the public spot light sooner, as an unknown masked entity. Have Doom destroying buildings and probably stealing equipment for creating some secret lab, some cliche shit that would of been fun and interesting to watch. Maybe keep how the team discovers his identity though the same, gaining more power by removing Ben’s. I also would of given this a stricter rating, like PG-13, and of had the fight scenes a bit more bloody and awesome, it also could of helped the language a bit. PG worlds sound so fake. A higher rating would of also given Doom more room to be plain evil, killing innocent bystanders or whomever. Doom never felt like a real villain; he was just pissed that his company went under.

Silver Surfer – This was shorter than the first one but was a lot slower and felt longer. The characters seem pretty well established, there is no more development for them really, except really for Storm and whats his face; Talking about leaving the group to raise a family. It didn’t seem as cheesy as the first one, they took it more serious I think, and that ended up making it a bit more boring. Same as the first, it was rated PG, and again Doom incinerates several army guys when he steal’s the silver board.

Again, I would of had Doom’s character do more stuff throughout the movie. The Team is trying to deal with Silver and then they get reports of break ins and other stuff. Maybe this time not show it as Doom’s characters, and leave it at more of a mystery, as if the Silver Surfer was doing it as well, only to later find out it was Doom. I also think they should of introduced Galactus much earlier on to the audience. Have Galactus talk to Silver right at the beginning, some little dialogue about earth being his next meal.

The problem with both of these movies is, when you’re the only group to have super powers, regular criminals don’t make good villains. And having to create new villains sometimes seems cheap and lazy. I never read the comics or remember much from the cartoon, but having created Doom’s character right at the start seemed quite logical. They just should of done more with him.

Dare Devil – Yes Dare Devil. Overall this movie wasn’t really good. I think it comes down to one thing really, Ben Affleck. His acting just seemed wrong for the character. The first half of the movie was probably the best half. Even though his powers were a joke, he was like a blind batman, it was still fun to watch how he learned to deal with them and developed a sense of justice using them. I also liked how killed criminals who where somehow found not guilty. Killing people was a nice change from usual super hero movies, but I guess actually killing removes his ‘hero’ status so he is just super? The second half of the movie was totally retarded, maybe even the last third. Bullseye was the worst villain idea EVER. Well, maybe he was not the worst, but his forehead brand WAS! Overall I think DD had some good back story and a solid foundation, but it lacked something through out the movie, and I am not sure what it was.

Replacing Ben Affleck would of helped, but some other changes might of been to have the reporter guy, or his law partner know his secret identity. I guess a stronger support character at the start is what I mean. And with not really having an super powers, anyone can be the villain, a mob boss just seemed to obvious. I think if they made Big Boss more intricate, like he turns out to actually be the Chief of Police or the Mayer or some shit, would of been a really nice twist.

Next Time will be nothing but bad ass movies.

OK guys I know I’ve reported on this before and it was always a sure thing, this time I swear to god this is for real! It’s in production, finally!

Asteroids, as we all know, is famous for its amazing story and deep gameplay, so we’ll all be chomping at the bit to see how hollywood handles the project.

I do have some major questions:

1. Will Dash Carmine feature in the movie? He played a big part in the game, saving the crew of the TDD Arrow by sacrificing himself in the third stage (just before the UFO)- can they recapture the tear-jerking scene where Alex holds him in her arms, watching him slip away? I don’t want them to ruin it!!!!!
2. Will we see 3D or 2D sequences of the time-jump back to 1772, when the crew fights the Pal’Ku’Qar timeship that’s gone back to crush the American revolution?
3. Are they going to show Caesar and Krishna carpet-bombing Montreal during the Cuban Missile crisis? I know that was from the ‘unofficial’ sequel, but a lot of people (myself included) think it’s totally canonical!
4. Can they really show the part where Jesus shows up in the final stage and pilots the Arrow after the crew are all killed?
5. Are Tom Cruise and The Rock still onboard (as reported years ago when this was still in development hell!) to play Refa-Molosh (the conjoined space baby/galactic emperor)?
6. Will they use Frank Herbert’s original shooting script, or will they use Takeshi Miike’s version?

I’m excited but cautious about this hollywood remake of such a classic franchise! More news as this develops!

Keep Writing The Fics!

Sourced from the Hollywood Reporter.